Can you spot the man with a pregnant wife at home?

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Funny Story

Except it’s not.  I am quickly learning that women, whether they be ttc, expecting or their little one is already here, can be quite bitchy and catty.  And honestly, I’m not tip toeing around anyone any more.  I don’t feel bad or guilty that I am pregnant.  There, I said it.  If I have offended you, then stop reading.  I have morning sickness all day and I am tired.  There, I complained about it.  I am thankful for it, but if I have offended you, then stop reading.  I am scared of every little thing especially losing my baby.  But I am also not going to take your advice because you shove it down my throat.  If I have offended you, piss off.  I am not going to live in fear of anything or anyone.

This is my journey.  I’m here. I’m on it.  Let’s go.  This blog will be about anything and everything.  I will rejoice and I will complain and then rejoice about complaining.  I’m turning 30 this Saturday and I know who I am.  I love who I am.  I don’t take shit from anyone.  Well, maybe my mother, but that is a whole different coconut.

I have been hesitant to use this blog as much because I know the pain of seeing someone who was ttc actually conceive.  I have seen many of your pain filled posts.  I understand if you will unfollow me and I support it.  And I only wish you joy and luck on your journey.  For the rest of you, I will still be my normal, random and truthful self.  Just pregnant.  And bloated.  And nauseous.  And completely thankful for every moment of it.  People at work think I’m crazy when I look green and dizzy but still smile when they ask how I am.  That’s how crazy happy and thankful I am right now and will continue to be.  Now where is my preggie pop?

Cat’s Outta the Bag

So I took a nap at my desk.  And my coworker blabbed.  I have been the most tired and nauseous this week of all and I had to rest. I realize that me and my baby’s health is the most important thing 🙂  

My boss came over to tell me that it was a very bad thing and that I should just go home.  The thing is, I haven’t been staying home because I can’t just stay home every time I feel nauseous.  But I realized, I needed to tell her so they didn’t think I was just being lazy.  So I did.  I had to.  She then told me to tell the director and VP.  They are both ladies, but I was still worried.  My boss also told me to ask them if I can work from home when I don’t feel well.  I am very lucky that my job can be done completely virtually.  I haven’t heard back from the VP, but I think she is out of town anyway.  

I feel a bit better.  I’m not telling everyone yet, and I didn’t want to tell my boss yet, but I had to.  She really did seem concerned because it was so out of the ordinary for me.  Out of no where, however, my male coworker has been my biggest supporter since I told him a couple of days ago.  We are cube mates and he could tell I wasn’t feeling well earlier this week and he has been treating me like the pregnant Queen Mother all week lol.  

8/31/2014

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I am 7w1d and baby is measuring 6w6d. Heartbeat is 137. EDD is 8/31/14.

I saw my baby’s heartbeat for the first time today. I couldn’t look away. But I could finally breathe. I think I have been holding my breath since the transfer. There was my baby, right there on the screen. Actually kinda looking like a baby. I was amazed. I still am amazed. I was so nervous before the appointment. Now, I can breathe. I’m so happy and I realize how blessed I am. My infertility struggle has made me appreciate this in ways I can’t even begin to describe. But my IF struggle has also made me more nervous than most moms probably are.

I will continue this blog just the way it is. I may not always be the most eloquent writer, but I am not here to impress anyone. I am just here to document this for myself and any other ladies who just want to know if what they are going through is similar or way different to my path.

Symptom Peekaboo

6w6d today!

Nausea early morning and sometimes into the afternoon but no vomiting.  Backaches and bodyaches all day yesterday to the point where I couldn’t sit still.   Fatigue (I think I took an accidental nap at my desk today lol) and I am constantly thirsty but sometimes drinking waters makes me want to throw up.  So I added fresh lemon and cucumber to water and it makes it bearable again.  

Cramps!  I have had them on and off but the past two days were the most.  I couldn’t unclench my stomach on Thursday and I didn’t know why, I just figured it was bc work was pissing me off.  Then all Friday, I felt stretching and cramps in my tummy and inner thighs.  It’s scary because it can feel like period cramps.

Has anyone else developed an extreme distaste for sucralose/splenda when they got pregnant? Even if it is hidden in the last line of the ingredients, I can immediately tell and I feel sick. I have eaten Splenda for years, but these past couple of weeks, I just can’t. Same for most other artificial sweeteners. Gatorade, Hot Chocolate, diet soda……

My boobs really haven’t, I’m guess there is room to grow since I lost weight over the summer and it always leaves my boobs first.  Not sure if my mood swings are due to stopping my anti depressants and anti anxiety meds or my fluctuating hormones.  

I rarely have a sex drive but it doesn’t matter since I am trying to abstain until the 2nd trimester.  Hubby is managing with my help, but it is tough since I am nauseous and can’t use my mouth.  

Work is stressing me out and I just need a vacation where it is just me and my hubby.  

I am super nervous and anxious constantly.  Days I have symptoms and the times when I don’t.  Makes me wonder if this fear ever goes away.  Is it made worse because of the infertility struggle?  I don’t know.  My 2nd ultrasound is on Monday.  I want to see the heartbeat and hear the heartbeat.  I think I would cry at that point.  I think it will help alleviate some of this nervous energy that I just can’t shake.

It’s Saturday and I have no idea what I want to do today.  I want to go shopping but I also just want to play online poker lol I just won’t let myself sleep all day.  I did that last saturday and it gave me a wicked headache.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

If you are having a bad day

Get away from me.  I am so fricking tired of everyone’s bad mood.  Like, I can’t deal with the negativity any more.  I am nauseous and as soon as I walk into work, my stomach clenches in a stressful way.  I am off of ALL of my meds and I am not taking anything for depression or anxiety.  

I am very thankful for my pregnancy symptoms.  They remind me of the good.  But when other people’s stress is around me.  When other people complain and bitch and are sarcastic.  I feel their toxicity and retreat before it rubs off on me.  

My 1st Ultrasound! : 5w5d

 

 

Had my 5weeks and 5 days ultrasound! 2mm baby! The tech said everything looks great and is right on track. She thought that the rhythm we saw was most likely my own heartbeat. Later on the nurse called. Doctor told her that the u/s looked good, everything measures to 5w5d as it should and my cervix is closed. My final visit will be Monday 1/13 for my OB closeout. I’ll be 7w1d. So excited!!!! Still nervous! That means 9 days to wait!
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