To tell or Not to tell

What do you think?  I don’t tell most people about our infertility treatments for the exact reason of…..PRESSURE.  Like now I have to show results.  Sure, logically I know that I am not doing it for anyone but my family, I feel like if I tell everyone, then they will ask me about it and I will either give them great or horrible news.  After we are pregnant and after I deliver our healthy baby, I will shout it from the rooftops that IVF brought our baby to us.  But I can’t handle the pressure of people knowing before.  And I would also feel like it would almost be jinxing it.  

I am not ashamed of needing assistance for my fertility.  And I do tell key people who I know I can talk to about the good or bad results.  But I don’t want that pressure.

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. bebeparler
    Sep 26, 2013 @ 13:23:11

    I didn’t tell anyone first two years. But you can’t keep such a massive secret forever. Late last year I eventually confided in two close friends but no one else. You have to be v careful in who you honour with your secret. Some people are not worthy of your trust. One pal was v supportive, sadly the other was embarrassed for me and doesn’t bring it up to this day. So chose wisely.

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  2. jonsie13
    Sep 26, 2013 @ 14:26:50

    I started out not telling anyone, and as the years and treatment plans passed by and changed, it seemed that more and more people were in my circle. Now that I am all into my 1st round of ivf, there are certainly co-workers who do not know a thing about it, but all of my family and close friends know. And they know probably more than they should, but I find that they all support me 100% and their knowledge only makes them understnad more about what I have to go through and endure. I do not feel like I am jinxing it, I feel like I am yielding more positive thoughts, prayers and support by being open. I struggled with telling my boss. It came down to; I had to tell him due to the erratic appointments and days off required for ivf. And I can tell you, I felt an instant weight lifted off my shoulders. He has been tremendously supportive. My RE told me that a very important part of my job was to remain relaxed and stress free, and talking about what I am going through is a way for me to do that. We are all different, and only you can make the best decision for you, but being open about it has worked for me. Oh, and the ONE family member who was not supportive is no longer in my loop 🙂 Aint got time for haters.

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  3. lydiaseeks
    Sep 26, 2013 @ 15:34:03

    I tell people when I am feeling strong about it. Everyone I’ve told has been nothing but supportive. It’s amazing how little some very educated people actually know about the process, especially those that got pregnant with no issues at all. So I usually feel like I’m doing a bit of service explaining exactly what we’re doing and why it’s a good idea for us. That said, I think if you’re feeling vulnerable or struggling, it’s not always the right time to share. The audience matters too, I would never tell anyone at work, not even after I had the kids…

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  4. jaygore
    Oct 10, 2013 @ 15:15:40

    I have no issues telling everyone after my first trimester. But before I get that BFP, I really am hesitant to tell many people. I was burned by former friends who felt I was overreacting about my IF and pretty much called me a liar. And my boss is very open about women’s rights, her not wanting children AND her abortion. She can be a very emotional, dramatic and narcissistic personality. And her boss is not as liberal, is married w/ kids, but is WAY more career driven. She looks at me weird if I ask for a sick day off, like I should just suck it up. Plus, I know that I am on an upward moving career path right now where I am being groomed to take over for my boss. But I still want kids. I don’t want to have to explain this to them.

    I also don’t want people to ask me if I am pregnant yet. That is like one of my MOST HATED questions. My inlaws ask all of the time. They don’t know about the IF or IVF. We just told them we were seeing a doctor. And this is ONLY after they asked me if I knew that a woman could only get pregnant a certain time of month. Don’t get me started.

    My mother knows everything and so do my fellow bloggers. But that’s about it. I do have one girlfriend at work who knows. She is very supportive AND hilarious, so it makes it easy to talk to her about. We actually probably got to be closer BECAUSE I had to take so many calls about the fertility treatments. I used the conference rooms and she is the receptionist. Sometimes they would be full and I would be forced to talk in the lobby, but she was always very discreet. She and I weren’t close when I went through my 3 failed IUI cycles. So I have warned her that after the Embryo Transfer, I am likely to think EVERYTHING is a pregnancy symptom. And she is so okay with that.

    But everyone else, I don’t want to ever see pity from anyone. So I would just rather not speak about it until I am pregnant. After that, I will tell EVERYONE, even the drugstore checkout lady, about my IVF journey 🙂 But right now. I’m keeping mum.

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  5. chingsk8
    Oct 21, 2013 @ 08:12:47

    I found it easier not to tell, not because I was ashamed or anything- I just didn’t think it was anyone else’s business and didn’t want to have to answer countless questions about it. Not to mention insensitive questions and comments. I just didn’t see the point of putting everyone through it, unless there were any positive results. I told 1 close friend and 2 females in the family because, there were times that I had to talk about what I was going through; but that was it.

    After we concieived we found out it was twins, but then lost one at 12 weeks. It was devastating, but what made it worse- were well wishers afterwards, who didn’t know. It was so difficult to tell them, and having to briefly explain what had happened. Its all very well people want to know and share in your life, but you have to be able to deal with the bad as well as the good stuff, and lets face it- not many people can.

    If I had to do it again- I would do it in exactly the same way- I would keep it private and limited to the people who you know will support you- just makes things easier so you can concentrate on the business at hand.

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