I’m okay!

Hi Everyone. Sorry for dropping off the radar. Surgery went well and I can walk with no pain! Bad news is that there was some kind of spinal fluid leak and I have had a massive spinal headache for two weeks. And I still can’t sleep a whole night bc of them. I want to go back to work next week as long as the headaches go away. I’m off of BCP but I haven’t had sex in almost a month sooooo….. I dunno. We are taking and IVF break for now. Especially since we have both used so much sick time.

It used to be my dream to lay around in bed all day and do nothing. Now I’m so bored I could scream!

Funny how life is


Tuesday is surgery day

So I am having back surgery in Tuesday and will stay in the hospital until then. I can’t move. So much pain. They said the ruptured disc is sitting directly on the nerve so they have to take it out. I’m scared. But I can’t deal with this pain any more. Only a few days recovery time on the bright side :-). I’m up and waiting for my next dose of morphine as Lenny sleeps in a recliner next to me. I wish this were a dream.

Wish it were for different reasons

Being admitted into the hospital now after another long night in the ER. I still can’t walk. I’m not expecting sympathy I am actually just ridiculously bored! I need anything to get my mind off the pain.

I will say it is in times like these you find out the true character of people you thought were your friends.

I am also scared because I don’t know what this will mean for our infertility treatments. We were already taking a month break. That will just have to be extended.


Not that I ever had a doubt, but I now truly know that Leonard is here for me in sickness and in health. We both just spent an hour on the floor crying and laughing. I fell down trying to get out if bed. He rushed home and we figured it out together. He is a strong husband. I have never experienced as much pain as I have right now. The doctors give giving me meds but I just want to be fixed. Bed rest, Vicodin, muscle relaxers and steroids have yet to work. Lenny is off to my moms job to bring her dinner. Amazing husband and son in law.

Emergency room

This may be gouache, but I am blogging from my triage room in the emergency room. I threw my back out and cannot even walk a few feet. My back pain has never been this bad. The doctors are of course backed up. We are watching the fireworks on the 1994 Zenith tv. I still have my spirits up but I can honestly say I have never felt this much pain in my life. But I will remain positive. I don’t know how the fuck how, but I’ll find the strength. My husband is right here by my side. I can see the fear in his eyes. I have never cried from pain before so he is scared shitless. I’ll update more later since I have nothing else to do sitting here in a backless gown for two hours!


The doctor came in and spoke with me about my history. She asked if there was a possibility I am pregnant. Leave what you would have said in the comments below. Because I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry