Friggin Facebook

I should always be happy for people. But I’m not. A former friend who I really really don’t like is having twins. We broke up a few months ago, and we were both TTC. And I am angry. But I am glad she is pregnant. She is not a bad person, just a bossy cunt that I couldn’t stand to be around. And thank goodness we weren’t friends by the time she got pregnant. She always knew more about TTC than my doctors. Ugh.

It’s like, if your mortal enemy gets married and you are single, you secretly wish they get divorced. But when your enemy gets pregnant, you are pissed, but you want nothing more than for those babies to survive and thrive along with the mother. Dammit.

It’s my own fault for being on Facebook and seeing a mutual friends status about it. Fucking Facebook. I want to vomit. I had a terrible and shitty afternoon and this just capped it. I never wanted her not to have children, I just never wanted to know about it. Or at least be pregnant myself before I found out. But I am trying. With medical science.

So much for sleeping tonight. Sigh. Maybe I’ll take a sleeping pill. Why is everyone around me getting pregnant? Why not me? Why am I undeserving? Am I a bad person who is a monster? No! But undeserving monsters have and kill children all the time.

Oh, and I need a new therapist. My one now is really really pissing me off. Pretty sure it is not the IVF meds. The meds more make me not give a fuck. I’ll write more on that tomorrow.

Yay! Klonopin to the rescue.

Goodnight.

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. newtoivf
    May 16, 2013 @ 08:17:29

    I have a similar thing…about 6 months before we started ttc we fell out with a couple (the guy had been mine and DH’s friend since school) and they are now expecting their second child. And I hate them. And I’m not in the slightest bit happy for them but then I’m not angry they had a baby because that would be weird, I’m just angry I haven’t. It all just goes in the ‘IF makes you a bad person’ pile!

    Reply

  2. Melanie
    May 16, 2013 @ 08:36:32

    I effing HATE facebook for that very reason. It’s like, everyone’s uterus was invited to a facebook event but mine wasn’t. But I do like your blog! And, I hope this cycle works out for you.

    Reply

  3. Becky
    May 16, 2013 @ 09:00:45

    Grrr I agree! A girl at my work just announced yesterday that she’s pregnant- she is the “mean girl” around here that thinks her shit doesn’t stink and excludes people, etc. She got married after we did and I was hoping that I would be pregnant first. Totally ruined my day and night when I found out 😦 I sympathize, fertility issues SUCK! The only silver lining is that she’s leaving at an awful time because jobs as a teacher in my division right now aren’t secure- here’s to hoping she doesn’t come back HERE and gets moved during her mat leave!

    Reply

  4. Persephone
    May 16, 2013 @ 09:21:31

    I had success with IUI but STILL “hate/resent” people who get pregnant! I’m wondering if anyone ever gets over this pain. Hope and luck, x

    Reply

  5. bebeparler
    May 17, 2013 @ 11:17:26

    Hearing other pregnancy announcements is one of the hardest parts of our journey. Block it out. Don’t dwell on it. Protect yourself.

    Reply

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