Day 5 of Stimulation: Follies Check!

Yawn. What a morning! I got to the clinic at 6:50am and was 8th in line! They don’t even technically start until 7:30am! But I’m guessing since they have a lot of women on the same IVF cycle that we were just part of an assembly line. I was out of there in less than an hour. They did the bloodwork and Vaginal Ultrasound. (Sometimes I wonder if I will miss my “Mr. Wanderful” in the mornings)

I had my normal tech who seemed in a huge rush, but heck, I had to be on a conference call at my office in 30 minutes, so who am I to complain about being in a rush! She immediately remarked on how great my lining looked then she went on to my left ovary. Then the right. She made many pleased sounding noises and smiled. I like to know the numbers but I always forget for a printout beforehand, otherwise she can’t print at the end. She always seems surprised that I want to know the exact numbers, I guess not a lot of ladies ask.

She said that I have one 12, one 11 and a lot of 10s. I am on Day 5 of stims w/ Follistim 300. I think I have a tentative timeline based on what I have read online and if they continue to grow at 2mm per day. Let me know what you all think!

Day 1 of Stims: 5/27/13

Day 5 of Stims: 5/31/13
b/w and u/s – one 12, one 11 and a lot of 10’s

Day 8 of Stims: 6/3/13
b/w and u/s – Probably will Trigger at night

Day of Retrieval: 6/5/13

Day of Transfer:
3 Day Transfer – 6/8/13
5 Day Transfer – 6/10/13

First HPT: 6/14/13

Beta Test: I will most likely as for it to be done on 6/21/13 just so I have an entire weekend w/ the results
3 Day Transfer – 6/22/13
5 Day Transfer – 6/24/13

So there is it! This is what I did all morning in between my calls. What do you all think? I haven’t talked to the nurse or doctor yet. They have to call with my results and tell me how much Follistim to take tonight and what my next steps are. This is the only sense of control I can have and it does make me feel better.

I looked at my ankles the other night and saw how fat they looked. Even though I am a curvier lady, I have normal looking ankles so I freaked out a bit. Then I realized that I am just bloated in general and when I pressed on my ankle, it felt squishy like just water almost. Now, my jeans are tight around my tummy and I just kinda feel blah. That could be any number of things making me feel in lala land. I refuse to get stressed. People were trying this morning, but I put the whiny babies back in their corner to sulk. I am a whole lot hungrier than normal. Not sure what that is a side effect of, but I am just hungry. I don’t keep snacks in the house. Firstly because I know I would eat them and secondly because I am too lazy and forgetful to buy them lol. But I am actually craving raw fruit and veggies. Like I would give someone $10 for a veggie plate with ranch dip right now.

We don’t have anything planned for this weekend, which is lovely. But, I will probably end up spending time with my in laws. I don’t dislike them , but they moved into our condo building on Wednesday and they are already calling up randomly to come over and hang out. My husband’s brother is also living with them and wants to come over for any sports game. There was a huge hockey game for Chicago on Wednesday and his brother texted to see if he could come over. Now let me tell you, I work all day in business causal/ professional clothes in a stuffy office. When I get home, the bra comes off. I am a well endowed lady and I can’t just “go without” a bra. People would notice lol. So I told my husband to tell his brother I was sans clothing and in for the night. I am not going to be banished to another room because they want to just come over. Does that sound selfish? Maybe. I am not opposed to seeing them. I just really need my time with my husband after work. I am at work 10 hours a day. I get maybe 4-5 hours after work to relax and connect with the hubby and that is exactly what I do. I think it is crazy that we spend more time at work than we do with our personal lives, but what can you do? Oh yeah, win the lottery lol

But anyway! I am super excited. I am scared to be this excited. I won’t let myself near any baby stuff. I haven’t even tried to calculate when a due date would be for this cycle. Even the month! That is how hard I am trying to not think about it.

Good luck to the rest of you! I know quite a few of you are going through IVF cycles right now. We are all hens in a hen house producing eggs 🙂

Shot Follies

My hubby just gave me my first Follistim shot. We recorded it for YouTube? I don’t know lol. It was not bad. Same feeling as the Lupron. Doesn’t hurt that I have plenty of pin cushion cushioning. My head feels a tinge warmer, but that could just be placebo effect. I am glad that it didn’t hurt and hopefully there won’t be bruising. Off to bed. Night everyone!

Follistim Stimulation: Day One

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Am I freaking out a bit?  Yes.  I did the Clomid a few times before I tried it with IUI, so I knew what to expect.  Now, I am in the big leagues.  Follistim w/ IVF.  I didn’t do injectables with IUI because my RE was worried about Multiples.  I have felt “normal” for a week now.  My body finally got used to the Lupron.  Now….Follistim.  I’m nervous.  Can you tell?

Today is Memorial Day so the Hubby is out there cooking every kind of meat you can think of.  The only person we are having over is my mother.  I really couldn’t deal with entertaining a crowd today.  Oh, and did I mention that my In-Laws are moving in my condo building?  Talk about stress.  They can be very sweet, but his dad can be an egotiscal moron who thinks he knows everything.  A couple of months ago he actually had the nerve to ask where his grandkids were.  THEN, he actually said, “You know, there is only a certain time a month that a woman can get pregnant.”.  As you can imagine, I almost screamed at that.  But, as my husband says, we will have even more babysitters nearby.  Oh yeah, my husband’s Aunt and Uncle live in the building as well.  I know, it’s like “Everybody Loves Raymond” up in here. lol

Any advice on the Follistim Pen and the injections themselves would be awesome from anyone who reads this 🙂  I have been watching videos online so that I can get the hang of it.  I didn’t go to any classes for this or even see a demo live.  I am worried about over stimulation and bruising and even moreso about the side effects.  Nausea, headache or moodiness.  Luckily, I am caught up at work, so hopefully I will be more calm at work.

I will admit, I have NOT had a decrease in my libido.  Now, it could be because my hubby is one sexy piece of ass, or it could be because I am always naturally horny.  I also heard that Lupron dries you out down there, but I did not notice a big difference.  Didn’t even have to break out the Astroglide. We have been together for 8 years and married for 5 years and our sex life is just as good or better than it was when we first met at 21 yrs old.  Apparently we cannot have sex after the HCG shot.  Poor hubby.  But fortunate for him, I don’t stick by the whole definition of “sex”.  There are many other things we can do other than vaginal intercourse.  But I think I will have to hold myself back more than my husband will to stay away from my lady parts.  Is this too much information?  Probably lol

I realize how incredibly fortunate I am to be able to have this opportunity.  Ten years ago and for hundreds of years before that, women just had to deal with infertility due to either the lack of science or lack of money.

As you can probably tell by my post, my thoughts are everywhere and I sound like a raving lunatic preacher in the middle of Times Square.  That is the Lupron.  I cannot function in a normal conversation without losing track and then becoming super awkward.  I also normally have an awesome memory, but now I am literally at a loss for words in midsentence a lot.  But I am not queasy, so I will take what I can get!

I am also nervous because I can see and feel myself getting very hopeful and happy about this cycle.  I have been at this hopeful stage before and it is so scary.  But I want to be hopeful.  The come down would be terrible from this high, but I have to have faith.  I believe that we will get pregnant and stay pregnant from this cycle.  That is SOO terrifying to say.

Baby Dust to all of you from me 🙂

Scary Good

Okay, I might try to split this in to multiple posts since I have so much to say but I, myself, have ADD and can’t read other long blog posts. I guess I have also been apprehensive about writing. Not sure why. I guess I got used to not keep up since I was son insanely busy at work, but now I am all caught up and extremely proud of myself!  I have had a tough time remembering things, which I heard is a side effect of the Lupron.  It is very annoying because I will lose my train of though in mid-conversation.  Kind of makes me sound like an idiot so I try not to talk outloud.

So first, quick timeline:

Started BCP at the end of April and I just took my last one on 5/18/13 (Last Saturday).

Started Lupron 10u in am on 5/5/13 (Cinco de Mayo!)
I got violently nauseous for 5 days straight. Not vomiting but just as bad. I couldn’t see straight and I had to even take a day off of work, which I never do. It was that bad. I called my Dr. and demanded something Rx for the nausea and he prescribed something that worked in 30 minutes! I only had to take them for 2 days. I learned that I need to NOT give myself the shot and I need 1 hour of sleep after the shot. Which means hubby injects me in my sleep at 6am 🙂 He is a great guy.
So then the 2nd week of Lupron. I’m not nauseous! Yay! I just have the fucking migraine from hell! I couldn’t see straight. I wore sunglasses at work and an ice pack was at my temples for most of the week. No amount of Aleve would help. Finally this past Sunday, it went away. I think it was because I stopped the BCP.
So I should be good, right? Haha, think again. I hurt my back on Saturday. I have a herniated disc and arthritis in my lower back and have been doing well the past couple of months. Now? Yeah….I couldn’t walk 3 feet on Sunday. Oh, and it hurt to sit, stand and lay down. I went to work on Monday because I didn’t want to waste another sick day and staying at home didn’t make it any better. I texted my Chiropractor and he saw me after work. He gave me a new movement that I can do any where and it has greatly helped. So my back is a little sore, but I am better.

So that was a fun 3 weeks.

My calendar said that I needed to schedule an ultrasound and bloodwork for 5/22/13. I called the nurse last Friday but I heard nothing back. Then I called her line again on the 21st and it was a recording telling me to page the doctor. The doctor called me back and apparently his nurse quit on him at the last minute. So he was stuck trying to find someone to replace her and schedule his 40 patients that he has on this IVF cycle. So I scheduled the U/s and B/w for 5/22/13 which was yesterday.

Oh how I have missed that vaginal ultrasound wand. At 7:00am no less lol. But it was a good outcome. NO CYSTS 🙂 ! I haven’t had any issues with cysts in the past, but it was still something I was worried about with the injectables. The dr. called me that night with the OKGO for starting the Z-pac with my husband. We started the antibiotics last night.

Day 1 of the stims: This upcoming monday, 5/27/13, is the first day of the Follistim injections. 300iu in the abdomen in the pm. And the Lupron goes down to 5u in the am. Then I do the stims with U/s every other morning or so until the day of the Egg Retrevial.

This all still seems somewhat surreal. I see all of these wonderful, pregnant, IVF bloggers on my Reader. I am so happy for each of you! I know what it is like and your BFPs give me hope. I just can’t imagine what it is like to POAS and actually see two lines. I honestly can’t, I wouldn’t believe it. But I want to see it. I believe I will see the two lines. It’s scary to think that I could finally do it. Scary good 🙂

Friggin Facebook

I should always be happy for people. But I’m not. A former friend who I really really don’t like is having twins. We broke up a few months ago, and we were both TTC. And I am angry. But I am glad she is pregnant. She is not a bad person, just a bossy cunt that I couldn’t stand to be around. And thank goodness we weren’t friends by the time she got pregnant. She always knew more about TTC than my doctors. Ugh.

It’s like, if your mortal enemy gets married and you are single, you secretly wish they get divorced. But when your enemy gets pregnant, you are pissed, but you want nothing more than for those babies to survive and thrive along with the mother. Dammit.

It’s my own fault for being on Facebook and seeing a mutual friends status about it. Fucking Facebook. I want to vomit. I had a terrible and shitty afternoon and this just capped it. I never wanted her not to have children, I just never wanted to know about it. Or at least be pregnant myself before I found out. But I am trying. With medical science.

So much for sleeping tonight. Sigh. Maybe I’ll take a sleeping pill. Why is everyone around me getting pregnant? Why not me? Why am I undeserving? Am I a bad person who is a monster? No! But undeserving monsters have and kill children all the time.

Oh, and I need a new therapist. My one now is really really pissing me off. Pretty sure it is not the IVF meds. The meds more make me not give a fuck. I’ll write more on that tomorrow.

Yay! Klonopin to the rescue.

Goodnight.

Untitled because I’m lazy

It’s day something of the shots. I don’t know anymore. I am just thankful that the queasiness has gone away. I think it helps that my husband pokes me in my sleep and let’s me sleep for another hour. He has become a master at administering my Lupron shot. Gives him some sense of responsibility and control. I’m just thankful for the sleep.

I have noticed that I am a lot more cranky this week. Not exactly angry and bitchy like I was on the Clomid. But I definitely don’t like being touched and my threshold for dealing with bullshit is near zero. I have splitting headache right now. And I have an unquenchable thirst and hunger like crazy. My headache is like the kind you have during a hangover.

I definitely see the change in my personality and body. I want to just scream at people, “I’m on infertility medications and my body is confused as fuck right now. So excuse me if I don’t want to stop what I’m doing and help you. “. No one understands or could understand in my immediate realm of people I see daily.

I just really want a baby. A child all our own. I want all of life stressors to stop being so damn stressing. I want to have fun again. I want to not feel defective.

Oh, and I have foggy brain. I can barely talk on the phone at work. I ramble because I get lost and try to find my point. Then I end up make a stupid joke and everyone awkwardly laughs in the phone.

Is it the weekend yet?

And a big thank you to all of my new followers! And older ones too 🙂 Is anyone else doing a round of IVF right now? I would love a Cycle Buddy! Does that sound weird and desperate? Is it weird that I don’t care? See, I’m rambling again…….

SHOTS! and not the fun kind

Pregnant ChickenSo here it is. Day 6 of my Lupron shots. Sunday was my first shot and I felt kinda queasy the rest of the day. Then Monday came and I went to work. Now, I work a high stress desk job with responsibility that is way out of my pay grade, but I get it done and rock at my job. Not Monday. Monday, I could barely see straight. I was so nauseous and dizzy, then came the migraine. I was truly miserable. It was even worse than a hangover. There was no relief! But I wanted to stick it out and not call my doctor. So I called the nurse. I’m sure she looooves me by now. I am that stereotypical infertility patient who freaks out. So I get really self conscious about calling. But when I told her about my symptoms, she said she had never heard of anyone getting queasy on Lupron. Now, I am a Googler, and I knew from many websites that it can be a common side effect. But I decided not to call the doctor and see if the nausea went away.

I woke up on Tuesday morning after maybe 3 hours of sleep. And I was still fucking queasy. I never take days off for anything other than a doctor appt or my birthday. I only get 15 Sick/Vacation/Personal days a year. So yeah. But I had to do it. I couldn’t work I was so nauseous and dizzy. My husband stayed home with me, put cool rags on my head and stayed in bed with me all day. I did let him bring his PS3 in the bedroom and he sat in bed killing zombies and stroking my back while I slept. It was just what I needed.

I went back to work on Wednesday and started to feel better, then by the time I got home, I felt queasy again. Then Thursday came. I almost couldn’t stand straight or keep my eyes open, I was so dizzy and nauseous but this time I got the bonus prize of a RAGE INDUCING MIGRAINE. When I got off of work, my husband and I went straight to Target to pick up more of my everyday medications. And I almost knocked down a display. That was it. I paged my RE and he called me back minutes later. Now, he wasn’t condescending, but he said he had never had a patient call him with this symptom before. I had to restrain myself from telling him, “Well now you do!”. He suggested that I might have the flu and I’m like, no. But then he got in my head and I started to wonder, maybe I do. But what are the odds that I have no other symptoms other than the nausea that started hours after my first shot of Lupron? So he prescribed me something and I picked it up 20 minutes later. Within 30 minutes, I started to feel normal. It was great.

When I got home I was worried that I would still have insomnia from the Lupron so I took a Klonopin and went right to sleep. Yeah…….I overslept. Apparently the Klonopin and anti-nausea meds both have sedative effects. Here I sit at my desk now, not nauseous, but I can barely keep my eyes open I am so sleepy. But I will take this over the extreme migraine and nausea.

So, yeah. That was my week. I need this weekend to be a good one, because I cannot take any stress right now or be asked to make any decisions. I just want to veg out and not watch tv. Maybe just read or play board games with my hubby.

Only two people at my job know that I am going through IVF. One is a platonic male coworker in my office whom I don’t work directly with, but we somehow became best buddies. Everyone thinks we are sleeping together, if they only knew! And I also told one of my jr. recruiters. She is around my age but she has dreams outside of this place. She is a burlesque dancer. She just got back from a tour in Spain. I KNOW RIGHT?! But I needed to talk to a female about it and I trust her enough to share. She is super excited for me and told me that she has several friends who donated their eggs and went through the same thing so it is really cool that she is somewhat familiar with the process. She said that I will be SUPER OVULATING and she will be on the lookout for me to start clucking. And that was the exact ridiculous thing that I needed to make me truly laugh in days. It was awesome.

Okay, back to work I go. I have typed this into another document so it looks like I am writing up a report. Haha, if they only knew! Now to make sure I copy and paste this to my blog and not send the report to my director with this included!

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