Hate Today

I’m so scared that the extreme amount of stress that I endured today ruined this cycle for me. I always feel my tension in my and and stomach and that’s where it was. Everyone says not to work so hard but it is not an option. I am not ambitious, I just don like to fuck things up and have people pissed. But it’s not worth it if it hurts my chances. I just say at my desk and cried once everyone left. I have no comfort. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I don’t know what to do. I have shut down. I’m just going to sleep when I get home. Nothing my husband says makes anything better. He just says he loves me and supports me. I need more than words right now. I’m sad and lost. I wish I could just skip the rest of the work week. That would be amazing. Or if I could work from home. I have to believe and know that nothing bad happened in my body because of the stress. I have to learn to shut people out and not care about work ethic because it is harming me to do it when no one else is. I give up. Infertility is enough stress on its own.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. o3broken
    Apr 09, 2013 @ 22:07:25

    You deserve peace of mind at work and nothing less. You have to think about what is important in the moment. Do what you can and everything else just has to wait until later on. As much as I look at you as a superwoman, you still have your limits.


  2. gardengirl29
    Apr 10, 2013 @ 00:10:41

    Try to take it easy and be more of a lazy ass (for your own sanity!) but don’t beat yourself up over being stressed either. I also tend to be a stressed person, and when I think about the potential effects of stress, I get more stressed! If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think normal stress has a huge effect. I hope you feel better soon. This road is so hard.

    I kind of checked out a little at work while experiencing fertility problems. I feel bad about it, but I was already going through so much personal stress. It was nice to pull back, although I realize not everybody has the luxury of doing that.


    • newtoivf
      Apr 10, 2013 @ 12:19:12

      Its a good thing to be a hard worker …but not if its killing you! Especially at thistime. Sometimes you just need to coast at work and take care of yourself. Having said that don’t worry about worrying! My friend had 2 failed IVF when all relaxed then it worked when hub was in court and went straight from court to ET!


  3. fiffola
    Apr 18, 2013 @ 22:46:30

    I was reading this saying “yep. Me too”. This is exactly how I feel. Finished second round of clomid and now its the waiting game again. Work is filling every spare thought and every spare second- but all I want to do is grab a cuppa and read your blog!!


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