Wishing and Hoping

So I took my progesterone blood test this morning. Five minutes to 7:00am and there were already five women ahead of me! They technically don’t start until 7:30am but everyone comes early. But the wait wasn’t too bad. I went in and was chatting with the hot/cold nurse who is either really nice or rude. Today she was really nice. She commented on how busy it was and how she has like 30 women’s blood to draw or something. When she stuck the needle in she said she thinks I am pregnant because it is always the women who are pregnant who she can’t get the vein. Then she had to dig around and did a 90 degree turn and finally found the vein. She repeated the pregnancy feeling and said that she believes I really deserve it. I wanted to cry. One, because it was so nice of her to say that. And two, because I really want it to be true. I don’t want to be afraid of hope this time.

Last night I was so angered by my in-laws that I snapped at them in a very polite way. My father in law is a big guy with a huge ego. He thinks it is funny to poke fun at people and that he is always right. He is an ass. He doesn’t know shit. But anyway, we haven’t shared with them the extent of our TTC journey. They know we have been trying. At one point last year he asked me, AT DINNER, if I knew that women could only get pregnant certain times out of the month. I almost upended that friggin table and the Olive Garden right then and there. When we asked them about the family history because of my husband sperm count and quality issues, he said that he can knock anyone up and never had problems and just was very hurtful.

ANYWAY, because I could go on and on. Last night he started asking us about when we are having kids. Saying things like he isn’t getting younger and we need to just do it already. We need to go home and start making some babies. Then, we gave them a ride to a restaurant and his father kept going. And my husband just sat there driving and silent. It didn’t even phase him. He didn’t stand up for me. So fuck it, I stood up for myself. They know that we have been trying for almost 2 years. I turned around and told them that we are trying very hard but have had some troubles but are working on a baby through scientific means and I would appreciate it if they do not mention pregnancy or his legacy anymore. And when we are pregnant, we will let them know. They went silent. We dropped them off and said our goodbye’s but if my mother in law is any kind of woman, she hopefully tore his ass a new one.

Then as we drove off I became increasingly more angry at my husband. Why didn’t he defend me? He has seen me fall apart at just the sight of a baby, why would he let his father say such mean things? I went on a tirade and made him feel very low, but I was hurt. We made up pretty quickly, but I just felt like he should have protected me. Stuck up for me, for us! Whether it bothered him or not.

So yeah. Oh, and next Friday  my father and his wife invited us out to a timeshare resort for the weekend. Of course this is on the day that I have my pregnancy test. And those days are historically good ones for me. But I didn’t want to turn down my dad, I don’t spend as much time with him as I should. So this will be interesting.

Work is getting better and has slowed down for me, at least for a moment I am caught up 🙂

I hope you are all doing well!



2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. newtoivf
    Apr 05, 2013 @ 15:33:04

    wow, he sounds like a charmer – he’d probably get on well with my BIL who offered ‘to have a go’ if DH was finding it so hard to get me pregnant!


  2. F*ckSmartNotHard
    Apr 05, 2013 @ 18:50:28

    Gotta love those in-laws! I wish you would have turned the table over at Olive Garden though. That would have been excellent. haha


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