Will(i have)power



6dpo.  I feel twinges in my stomach like cramps.  My hot flashes have miraculously stopped.  I really am trying to not google it.  I’m so scared.  I had so much hope the first IUI.  Then no hope the second IUI.  Now, I want hope but I am scared to have hope.  I’m scared of the fall.  But I guess that is faith.  I had hope in my husband from the first moment I met him.  I knew he would be my husband from the first night.  I’m so nervous.  I can’t stop typing that or saying that I am scared.  I must sound crazy.  But that is not out of the ordinary for me anyway.  

On a more positive note, I got a huge new cubicle at work today!  I have storage space and a lot more room to make my own.  The walls are 6 ft high so I have adequate privacy.  And hopefully since I am not longer in the back of the office, I will be more inclined to get up every hour to stretch since it is a shorter distance to the door and I have to walk past less judgy people.  And performance appraisals are coming up this week.  I think I am in a really good place in my job security and the quality of my hard work, so I am not too nervous.  But I really want a raise.  I believe I deserve one.  Now to make them see that too.  I want to tell my manager’s boss that I am TTC.  She is a mother of two and I think she would understand, but there is not a reason to tell her other than I am an over sharer.  So I keep my mouth shut on that one.  I learned my lesson telling anyone about our TTC journey.

Alrighty.  Good night everyone.  I have a few more things to do for work but fuck it, I’ll do it in the morning.  I need to go have sex with my husband.  I accidentally said something kinda sexual to a coworker today.  It was one of those total “that’s what she said” moments.  Then I spazzed out because I felt awkward.  I asked him if he wanted to hump on the call.  Yeah.  I think I need some sex.  Maybe a little more than some lol.



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