Almost

Sorry I haven’t written lately. I had a crazy busy weekend that turned into this crazy work week. But I am doing my best to keep my stress levels down because, well you know why! I want to conceive and I don’t want stress to affect any baby making workings in there. I will just run down some bullets points instead of trying to make this flow. I have a lot to do today but I wanted to make this priority.

– We had the iui on Friday. It went well. My doctor had his intern inseminate me just like the first time. Not sure I like that but oh well. Then they left my husband and I in the room alone again. The first time they left I had to get undressed and I took pictures of my hubby’s sperm in the syringe. Kind of weird I know but I wanted the memories.

– The Orgasm. I’m sorry to disappoint but even after the iui when the dr left us alone and me upside down, we just could not get serious. My husband was trying to manually stimulate me but we kept giggling and felt like two teenagers in our mom’s basement. So we went straight home, broke out my mini vibrator and got down to business. That, I am happy to say was successful. But that got hubby in the mood so we had sex! I was very careful to not push anything out during. I have strong keels and I like to use them during sex 😉

– We didn’t have sex all Saturday because we had so many errands! We didn’t get home until 2:00 am since we had to travel far. So we did it first thing Sunday morning. Then again that night. Like I said, I wanted my plain FLOODED with sperm!

-The progesterone test to see if I ovulated is tomorrow. I am nervous but I have been doing my best not to think about it. I have gone 6 days without freaking out and examining every little could be symptom. Well, all day yesterday I had a completely long lasting headache. I googled to see what I could take and it said Tylenol was safe. It did nothing for my headache! So finally I got home and googled a bit more and found out it is normal in this amount of time past ovulation. But that was far as I went and I am proud if myself. I don’t even know when my due date would be. Out of sight, out of mind.

So that is where I am now. Just doing my best to not stress out at work and to not think about ovulation, conceiving and implantation. A lot of deep breaths.

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Waiting

So I am sitting in the waiting room and my dear brave hubby is in a room about 20 feet away masturbating. I’m going to be blunt because it is hilarious. Here I am in the waiting room with 2 other couples and we are watching “Maury”, (ironic?) and I am just wondering if everyone else knows.

I wanted to ask if I could go back they with him buy my husband assured me, “Don’t worry baby, I got this”. Romance? No. Hilarious? Yes!

He just came out! I can’t stop giggling!!! I asked him to take photos of the “Jerkin it room” and I will attach them!

My iui was scheduled for two hours later but they said they can wash his sperm now and inseminate me sooner. We ran to KFC and scarfed down some potato wedges and chicken sandwiches and ran back in 20 min. I realized I hadn’t eaten anything all day!

We are back now and waiting to be called! I still haven’t decided if I will try to reach orgasm right after the insemination to increase the odds of conceiving.

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2nd try, same as the 1st

My 2nd iui is today. I think I have butterflies in my stomach, I’m not sure. Maybe this feeling started after my HCG shot last night. It made it feel more real. Like it is not a dream.

It has been exactly 35 days since my last iui. I am so scared to have hope again. But I don’t think I can help it. But I can help thinking everything single thin my body does is a pregnancy, ovulation or implantation symptom.

My job has cracked down on me taking half days for doctor appointments. I always use my vacation time but they say it is unfair. I disagree. All of my work is done and does not put a burden on anyone else when I leave. So now I have to lie. And I really hate that. I can’t completely call of sick because I still have responsibilities that I care about. But I am exaggerating my back pain today. And I will leave a noon. Having a family is more important to me than people getting catty and emotional, which is what my coworkers do. My friend brought up Karma. Karma works both ways and I live my life true and believe that it is a measures scale. But I also have faith in God. I know I don’t go about shoving it in people’s faces, but I truly believe.

So of course it is a big ass snowstorm in Chicago today! But I ordered my cab way ahead of time just in case. Wish me luck on everything! I will post more after work 🙂

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My follicles and me

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I finally managed to get a scan 🙂 This is CD14 and my iui will most likely be on Friday. My right side has three big ones. 16, 15, 14 and the left has three more at 9mm. Yay for hubby and I freaking out to do the shot again lol.

We are also trying to having sex every two days. We did it all weekend, Monday and again tonight. Then this weekend will be more of the sexy times. I want to flood this plain with sperm! Last night I was feeling frisky but it was on a night that we agreed to rest. My husband has a low sperm count and for some reason, he does not have as high a sex drive as I do. So I tried to lure him into some slightly public fellatio in a stairwell. This usually works but he said to me, “But I thought you couldn’t get pregnant from swallowing so I guess you will have to wait until tomorrow”. I couldn’t be mad at him but he did praise me later for my enthusiasm. It is really important to me to keep that fire going because I know that it can get mechanical when trying for a long time.

I am at the threshold of the dreaded two week wait. I am going to do my absolute best to not be stressed out by work or personal life. I want this iui to work. I am still scared of the hope because that can lead to a let down.

In the garden

So first follicle checking u/s for this cycle on day 12. I have two 11-12 mm follies on my right and a few 7-9’s on my left. I know they need to be around 20 for the iui and they grow about 2mm a day.

Last cycle, I did not write this kind of info down anywhere. Kind of hard when your legs are above your head. So the tech gave me a printout of the numbers. Next time I will also ask for a scan of my follies that my hubby can see.

Last cycle, I had my iui on my exact 14th day. Which again is a Friday this cycle. I think I will have another u/s on Wednesday, the nurse hasn’t called yet.

My boss is starting to single me out for taking half days and leaving an hour early but skipping lunch. I use vacation hours for all of it and I give them at least 48 hr notice, but she feels it is a special privilege. So now I guess I will just completely call off when I have an appt.

At least the nurses and techs were much nicer today. I told my doctor’s nurse about the rudeness and she said it was a common thing at that office and she would talk to them. I guess it worked!

The Big “O” right after an IUI?

Well that was a crazy week.  Or maybe it was me who was crazy, but I made it!  I was a complete emotional wreck.

Anywho, I finished my last day of Clomid yesterday and then I have my 2nd ultrasound on Monday morning.  I think this time I am going to start keeping a record of the rate the follicles are growing.  I kind of feel like 1 cow in a herd that they just shove a wand up my Hoo-Ha, take some scans and then tell me to get dressed.  I am the kind of patient that likes to know what is going on and why.  But they look at me like I am crazy for caring.  Do other women go there and just read a magazine and figure everything happens like clockwork?

I haven’t seen my doctor since the IUI, but hopefully I will see him again before then.  I wanted to ask him if he thinks me having an orgasm right after the IUI would help.  They left the room for like 20 minutes after the last IUI.  So maybe my husband can give me a “hand”?  Talk about setting the mood.  I know it is urban legend or internet legend or even an old wives tale, but it can’t hurt, right? 🙂

I know that I want a child.  I feel the pull every time I see a child under the age of 14.  I just want to mother them and take care of them and see them grow.  I know I have maternal instincts, I always have.  But is it just me, or does the sound of a screaming baby or toddler in a restaurant still make you want to run for the nearest bottle of Jack Daniel’s?  That’s bad, right?  I know that you get the amazing and the terrible with all things motherhood.  But it is just that sound that makes me want to flee from that sound.

Okay, I think that was enough randomness in one post!  I will do my best to keep up with my thoughts and feelings everyday.  I feel that I process them so much more when I get them down in words and post them.  Then I can “self diagnose” myself when I read my posts and your comments.  Thank you for all the likes, follows and even a reblog!

I appreciate you all in advance

Aside

Absence

Quick post. I’m so far behind on blogging and I feel terrible, but I have an excuse. I CAN’T STOP CRYING! Every single stressful thing that I normally just blow off and push through, they now push me over the edge into a fit of tears. And I am NOT the crying type. If I cried around my mother as a teen and an adult she would tell me to suck it up and pull it together, so I rarely cry. Even my husband is shocked by my sudden years but he has been incredibly supportive. Work and bullshit at work have turned into a jr high environment that I can’t handle without crying in my secret stairwell at least once a day.

I know it’s the Clomid and all of the excess hormones. But I can’t tell my job that. I work in an office and it is really no one’s business. I guess the crying is better than the fits of anger, but I am just not used to this.

I will elaborate more in another post, but it is Valentine’s Day after all. Just because we are not making a baby naturally, it doesn’t mean we can’t still have fun practicing!

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

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